Christmas Vacation

Still feeling pretty sick and tired.  At 15.5 weeks, that second trimester rebound can start ANY time now!   In the last few days I've been able to take less Zofran but that may be because I'm home on vacation until January 2nd and Lily is in daycare, so my days are pretty relaxed.   I'm able to nap if I want to.  It's a good thing.

We had a fairly low key Christmas around these parts.   The tragedy in Newtown put a bit of a damper on festive holiday spirits, plus I really haven't been up to my usual degree of decorating and holiday preparation. Our tree got lights but no ornaments and the rest of our seasonal decor.  I was pleased that I managed to sew a pair of special Christmas pajamas for Lily (I ran out of time to sew the matching PJ pants for Mark and me, though).   I don't have a picture of them but will take one when I do laundry.

I'm doing some little crafting things in my remaining time off work.   Lily likes to kick her sheet and blanket off while she sleeps and I've been saying that she needs a sleep sack with holes for feet to help keep her warm overnight - enter a McCall's pattern that I picked up for 99 cents during a sale six months ago.  It has sizes that range from ~6-9 months up to 4.   I sewed size 2 for Lily and it's HUGE on her but I'm very pleased with how it turned out.  It has a separating zipper and knit ankle cuffs; I could have added sleeves but chose not to for the first one.   It was a lot less expensive than buying a toddler sleep sack and I was able to pick a pretty fleece print.   Excuse my floor; I didn't sweep it after my sewing afternoon!

I've also made lotion bars - they look like bars of soap but when you rub them (dry) on your skin, they melt slightly and moisturize.  They're supposed to be great for eczema (which Lily has had since she was a baby) and for grown-ups' dry winter skin.   It's super easy - equal parts by weight of coconut oil, cocoa butter, and beeswax, melted in a double boiler with essential oils mixed in, then poured into molds to cool.   I used some silicone muffin liners because I don't have a fancy soap mold and they turned out really nicely.   I put one in each bathroom in a little dish so I can moisturize my hands after washing them.   Lily likes using them too.

In-progress is my first attempt at homemade hair clips.  All you need is ribbon and a hot glue gun, but there's a definite learning curve - especially to sealing the ribbon ends so they don't fray.   Lily's way into bows and clips right now so hopefully I'll figure it out soon.

Laying low

I've been keeping a low profile because I've been busy gestating!   Lily will become a big sister in mid-June.

Pregnancy is different after the first baby.  The first time around I could get home from work and collapse on the couch and have a Lean Cuisine for dinner if I ate at all - now there's an active 2 year old to take care of.  Mark's work schedule makes it more stressful since I handle the parenting solo four weeknights and all day Saturday.  He takes over on Sundays and on Monday evening so I can get a little break but many nights I'd get Lily home from daycare, throw up, cook chicken nuggets or mac & cheese for us, and then let her watch Sesame Street or Signing Time.  I'd get her in bed and then wind up on the couch where I inevitably fell asleep by 8 PM, only to be woken up when Mark got home - and then I'd be asleep in bed within a half hour!   The house's level of cleanliness was getting shameful and none of us were eating nutritious foods for a while there.   The fatigue situation is still pretty significant but is slowly improving.    I have pretty severe nausea again, actually worse than when I was pregnant with Lily.   Thankfully my OB got me on Zofran at my first prenatal visit.   It doesn't take the nausea away totally, but it does take the edge off and reduces vomiting (I went from 3+ times a day down to once and sometimes none).

I admit that I sucked at work in various degrees from around 6 weeks until, well, now.  On many occasions I abruptly left a meeting to go throw up and I dozed off at my desk more than once.  I spent numerous afternoons sitting at my desk clenching my jaw and concentrating on NOT hurling.  Once we got Zofran on board I found myself a lot more able to get work done and be productive.   I also needed to avoid spending time in the lab and at our test facility unless really necessary due to the presence of radiation sources and potentially teratogenic chemicals.   While the radiation sources are very safely shielded and I don't use the really nasty chemicals I still prefer to not even go near any of it during my first trimester.   Just like last time I haven't told anyone at the office and so it's taken some creative pawning-off of work onto others.   I've ended up calling out sick or going home early a few times because I felt so crummy.   I think some of my colleagues have become suspicious (probably since I've been in maternity pants since 10 weeks and have now started maternity tops because they're actually long enough to cover the panel).   I plan to tell my boss in the next week and then whoever finds out will find out.

Things with dates were a little weird but worked out in our favor.  I went for my first OB appointment at what we thought was 8 weeks 4 days and found out I was actually 9 weeks 2 days.   While my dates were solid, my cycle is shorter now than it used to be and I must have ovulated early because the baby was measuring big, and I wasn't going to say no to fast-forwarding five days! I had my NT scan earlier this week and the maternal fetal medicine doctor measured the kiddo right on schedule with the new due date so we're sticking with it.

Early/mid October was full of some crazy emotional stuff for us and our families.  First, Mark's dad's companion of 10+ years passed away after a hard fight with cancer.   I found out I was pregnant 10 minutes before leaving to go to her wake.   Saying goodbye to someone who had been a de facto mother-in-law and a grandmother figure to our daughter was very difficult.   At exactly 4 weeks (since LMP) my maternal grandmother passed away.   While we were not close, my parents flew to Michigan for the funeral, leaving their dog with us.  And a week after we found out about the pregnancy I developed a major infection around my dental implant which prompted a trip to the emergency dental clinic (and a call to my OB to find out what the heck was safe to do/prescribe) and several visits to my own dentist, including two weeks on pretty large doses of amoxicillin.   Because of all of the upheaval and craziness I was terrified that something would go wrong with the pregnancy - I don't know why, it just felt like we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.    Fortunately I've had no signs of a problem and have had two ultrasounds now which show everything looking great with the baby.  

Another slow cooker recipe...

Because I'm too darned tired to come up with anything more significant!

I've taken to making this homemade applesauce with some frequency - it was great when I ate fairly strict paleo, because there's no need to add any sugar.   I tend to buy a large bag of Pink Lady or Macoun apples at BJ's and just go to town.  You can get fancy and mix apple varieties or add a few pears to add some depth of flavor, though!

Slow Cooker Applesauce
4 pounds of apples (or an apple/pear combo), peeled and cored
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 cinnamon stick or a generous sprinkle of pumpkin pie spice

Combine all ingredients in slow cooker, cook on low for 6-8 hours.   Remove cinnamon stick (if used).  After cooking, process apples with a potato masher for a chunkier texture or an immersion blender for a very smooth texture.  Enjoy!

The Black Friday haul

First off, the refi closed successfully on Tuesday - HUGE relief!

I hope everyone had a sparkling Thanksgiving.  I'm one of those nutcases who goes out shopping in the wee hours of Black Friday every year.  When Mark worked for a big box electronics retailer in the early years of our marriage, I never went shopping because of how crummy the day was for him.  Then in 2009 I started going out by myself for fun and have gone every year since.    That first year I was sort of foolishly thinking that I could waltz into Kohl's shortly after it opened and would get exactly what I wanted.   When the checkout line stretched around the entire store I walked in and walked right out, going instead to other stores in the same plaza and driving out to Cabela's.   After that year I got smart and planned ahead for which stores I would go to, for what deals, and in what order.

This whole "opening on Thanksgiving" business is utter BS and I refuse to shop for Black Friday deals on a holiday.   As someone whose father has always been a restaurant manager (and in his industry always works on Thanksgiving) and whose husband spent a lot of years in retail and had to work this Thanksgiving (albeit with like 2.5 times pay due to the holiday), I believe it's important for those often low-paid service and retail workers to be able to have a real holiday.   (Is this where my brother chimes in and reminds me that as an active duty service member he has duty on his boat on both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, with no holiday pay to speak of?)

Anyways, I knew I wasn't going out last night.  The only electronics item we really want is an LCD TV and the prices on those are usually best in January/February, so we're waiting on that.

I dragged my tired carcass out of bed at 4 when my alarm went off.  It was challenging, and in a future post I'll elaborate on why, but I made it happen.  I got dressed and out the door by around 4:15.

Target
I arrived at around 4:25 AM and parked in the second space from the door.  The employees said that it had been an absolute madhouse at 9 PM when they opened, but most people were there for the electronics doorbusters.  They still had some of them - I very nearly walked out with a 40" LCD TV, but decided that moving it myself was not advisable at the moment.

I had planned to pick up mostly housewares and maybe some toys and clothes.  I managed to get nearly everything on my list, and because it was between 4-10 AM and I spent at least $50 on items in certain categories, I got a Target gift card for my trouble.   I used my beloved debit RedCard and got another 5% off my whole purchase!

• 16 piece Corelle dish set - winter white frost (I picked up two boxes of these last year and wanted to add to it)
• Memorex DVD player (for the little LCD TV we have in our room - no need for anything fancy)
• Paul Frank fleece pajama pants for me
• Angry Birds toddler pajama set for Lily
• Jenga and Memory games
• Queen size flannel sheets (I love flannel sheets in winter!)
• Graco baby doll accessory play set (not for Christmas - to be Lily's potty training present)

A.C. Moore

I pulled in at 5:03 and got a decent spot.  I was apparently #90 to enter the store and got a $5 gift card.  My sole purpose in going was the 50% off Melissa & Doug.   They had this deal last year and it was awesome for Christmas gift giving and I was psyched to see it again this year.   

Unfortunately I got stuck in line behind two women who were quibbling about their holiday themed duct tape ringing up for 10 cents per roll higher than the advertised price.  One of them was buying an effing Cricut machine (they're not cheap!) and yet demanded that a manager re-ring her order right there rather than having to wait in line.   All to get 10 cents back on each of three rolls of duct tape.  She kept looking back at me and saying, "Sorry, but you understand."  Um, no.  It's THIRTY CENTS, and I will give it to you from my own purse if you'll freaking move along and let me put this heavy basket down!  I was a little disappointed that the manager caved as soon as this shopper expressed an objection to waiting in line - hello, I and others have been waiting in line behind her for a lot longer!  

• Wilton gingerbread man decorating kit
• Melissa & Doug wooden fridge food
• Melissa & Doug wooden pantry products
• Melissa & Doug magnetic dress up dolls
• Melissa & Doug grocery basket
• Melissa & Doug lace & trace shapes
• Melissa & Doug lacing beads (x2)

The lacing beads were all I really needed to find there.  Lily is insistent that Santa is bringing her "a pink lacing" and after some questioning and observation at daycare pickup we discovered that she wants a lacing bead set.   We don't make a big deal about Santa in our house, but the jolly old elf will be bringing the lacing beads!   I picked up two because Mark always gets a ticket from the Giving Tree at his office (he tries to choose a child of the same age/sex as ours).   We like to give several toys and the lacing beads make for a great choice for an older toddler or preschooler.   The rest of it is all for Lily, especially for her play kitchen.  

Lowes

Lowes is in the same plaza as A.C. Moore so I figured I'd stop in.   I just got a few things.

• Two pointsettia plants
• A balsam fir wreath for the front door
• Outdoor power stake with remote (for Mark's lighting display)
• Christmas light storage reel
• Two plastic storage containers (they were a doorbuster BOGO)

I briefly considered a nice looking storage bench but decided against it due to the weight and size of the box.  Then I headed home (with a stop at Dunkin Donuts) and found my family still asleep.  I left the packages in the car and went upstairs for a snuggle with my favorite people and dog, then had my breakfast while Mark got Lily ready for daycare.   When Mark left to drop her off I headed out again to Joann Fabrics.  

Joann Fabrics

I'm sewing matching flannel pajama pants for us and a pajama set for Lily for Christmas morning and needed fabric.  Snuggle flannel solids and prints were on an awesome doorbuster sale this morning but none of it was Christmasy enough so I went with the slightly more-expensive holiday theme flannel.   I had a 25% off coupon for my entire purchase (excluding doorbusters) so the final cost of the flannel was still really good.   When browsing the holiday fabrics I saw a cute panel for a cloth Christmas-theme alphabet book so I got that panel too, and will go back this weekend with another coupon for the batting.

• 7 yards of red and white snowflake flannel
• A Christmas themed cloth book fabric panel 
• 6 yards of 3/4" elastic
• Thread
• A new cold drink cup for work

With that, I headed home, brought all of my treasures into the house, and collapsed on the couch for a 2 hour nap!  Mark was kind enough to wake me up when he left for work.  I'm of half a mind to get the dishwasher and washing machine going and then to run back to Target for a body pillow that looked pretty darned inviting...

The saga of the mortgage refi

Back in August, as we saw mortgage rates dropping, Mark and I discussed the virtue of refinancing.   We bought our house in early 2006 and were fortunate to have a nice 5.125% fixed rate, which at the time was actually below market rates (we were able to take advantage of a first time home buyer program because Mark was working part time while finishing his degree and therefore our income was a hair below the limit).

The problem?  Well, like just about anyone who bought a house in this part of the country between around 2004 and 2008, we bought close to the peak of what we now know was a housing bubble.   We've lost not only the equity that we brought to the purchase (which was not insignificant; we saved for a year while living in a crappy low-rent apartment and living very frugally) but also what we've paid towards principal for the last 6.5 years.   If we had to sell right now we might get what we still owe on it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we have a house that can (barely) accommodate a growing family, and that we can afford; there are a lot of people who aren't as fortunate.   It's just that we planned to stay put for around 5 years, or until after the arrival of our first child, then sell and move up to something bigger and better.   You know, a house with a garage and a fenced in yard for the dog and the kids to play in, and maybe a nice bonus room that we could use for my crafting projects.   Well, in April it will have been 7 years and realistically we're looking at 4-5 minimum before we'll have enough equity to sell and move.  We're basically stuck here for the foreseeable future.

So I was pretty convinced that a refinance wouldn't be possible because we'd have to have the house appraised.  I called our original mortgage broker just to ask - and she told us that we were eligible for an FHA streamline refinance.   Limited documentation and no appraisal, with a sub-4% interest rate and a huge lender credit towards closing?  You could have blown me over with a feather.   Our response: sign us up NOW!  We did have to pull together some pay stubs and bank statements and stuff like that, but nowhere near the level of what was required to get a mortgage the first time around.   Our credit is decent so there were no worries there.  We signed everything and got our 60 day rate lock on September 6th.  

They warned us that it might take a little while because they've been inundated with these refinances with rates where they are right now, but we were assured they'd do everything in their power to get us closed within the 60 days - ideally in late October.  Well, when Halloween arrived it was clear that we would not be closing by late October.   They extended our rate lock in early November and we had to sign a new good faith estimate.   Fine and dandy, we're making progress!   Then on Monday (the 12th) I got the email and phone call that they'd underwritten and approved our loan - and we have to close by the 20th because our rate lock expires on the 26th and there's a 3 day right of rescission that has to fit in between.   Um, OK?   Mark's work schedule isn't that flexible and he already took a day off this week to come with me to a doctor's appointment, but he can try to make it work as long as we have a few days' advance notice.   I can always just take a personal day with pay for stuff like this but I'd rather give my boss a little bit of a heads up.  

So I called the closing administrator on Tuesday and left a message to call me - nothing.   On Wednesday, both of us tried to get ahold of her - again, nothing.   By yesterday I was in a semi-panic - three business days left in which to close and no one's freaking returning our calls!   I finally got in touch and she informed me that they needed a letter, signed by both of us, indicating whether or not the property is currently listed for sale (Captain Obvious, we're doing the streamline because we have no freaking equity - no equity means there's no way we'd be trying to sell it.  But I digress).   This was at 10:15 AM and Mark leaves for work 40 minutes away at 11 AM so time was of the essence; I printed out a one-sentence letter at work and had Mark stop by the office to sign on his way to work, and got it faxed over.   Late in the day the closing administrator contacted the attorney's office to have them schedule the closing.  

The paralegal contacted us this morning - freaking FRIDAY.   Monday and Tuesday are our only options here.   Monday would be nice since it's one of Mark's regular days off, and Tuesday morning would have been almost as good since Mark doesn't leave for work until 11.   Except the attorney's office only had 1 and 1:30 PM free.   Lovely.  We took the 1 PM slot out of sheer terror that if we didn't take it we'd have no other option.   Mark has to burn a half vacation day for the closing, which kind of sucks but will be worth it in the end.  

I swear on a stack of Bibles that if this closing doesn't go through as scheduled, I might sit in the mortgage broker's office and sob.   Loudly.

Oh, how I love my Crock Pot!

Life has been hectic lately - many days I fall asleep on the couch after I get us fed and Lily to bed.   Fortunately it's the best time of year to start using the Crock Pot (insert your preferred slow cooker brand here) to make all kinds of tasty, low-effort meals for the family!   On a cold November day when I've been going nuts at work and I have a hungry little girl to feed, it's so nice to come into the house and smell a delicious stew, soup, or chili that will be ready to eat in minutes.

The first key is slow cooker selection.   I have an actual Crock Pot brand, but there are probably 3-4 different name brand slow cookers on the market.   Prior to this model, we had a very basic Crock Pot that I'd used for around 6-7 years but the crock was getting scratched and more difficult to clean, so I picked my Crock Pot Smart-Pot up at Target on Black Friday two years ago.  I love it because it allows you to set the cooking time and then automatically switches to warming mode.   There are even fancier ones with fully programmable touch screens, but this one gets the job done for us.

I always try to prep my ingredients the night before.  Any cut up meats and veggies go into gallon zipper storage bags, I put spices in a little baggie, and then all I need to do in the morning is dump everything in, add water or broth and any canned goods, and turn on the power.   Even better, I can have Mark do it before he leaves for work if it's a recipe that won't handle 8-10 hours of cooking time.  I don't brown meats, onions, mushrooms, etc.  Having to haul out a pan and do that prep work (and washing the pan) starts to negate the awesome time-saving properties of the Crock Pot.    If ingredients are freezer-friendly, you can even prep everything and use the Food Saver so that all you have to do is pull the bag out of the freezer and let it thaw in the fridge overnight.  

I don't often use slow cooker liners, although if I'm cooking something that has sugar in the liquid I usually will to make cleanup easier.   I usually just fill the empty crock with warm soapy water and let it soak for an hour or two before washing it with a sponge and my trusty Bon Ami cleanser.

This week's family favorite slow cooked recipe is a simple beef stew:

2-3 cups of peeled, cubed russet or Yukon Gold potatoes
2 cups of peeled, chunked carrots (we like carrots!)
1 cup button mushrooms (optional, Lily and Mark don't like them so I usually skip them)
1 large onion, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
1.5-2 lbs stew beef
2 cups beef broth or stock (I use low sodium)
5-6 sprigs of thyme, leaves removed from stems (you don't want stems in your stew!)
1 clove garlic
salt and pepper to taste

Put vegetables in the bottom of the slow cooker with meat on top.  Add broth and seasonings.  Cook on low for 8-10 hours.  Enjoy with buttered biscuits or bread!

Guilt (again)

I feel guilty that I can't take Lily to storytime at the library, to a toddler gymnastics class, or do a weekday play date because I work.

I feel guilty that some nights lately (like tonight) I've been so tired that rather than a healthy, freshly-cooked meal we end up sharing a box of Annie's mac and cheese and some applesauce from a jar.

I feel guilty that most nights while I cook dinner I let Lily watch an episode of Sesame Street or a Signing Time DVD.  

I feel guilty for working and being away from my kid for 9-10 hours every weekday.

I feel guilty that I'm not creative enough to plan real art projects, do sensory play, take her on nature walks, or do any of the other stuff that apparently we're supposed to be doing to stimulate her brain.

I feel guilty for cutting her off after 3 books at bed time because I have stuff that I need to do after she goes to sleep.

I feel guilty that my 26 month old is nowhere near potty trained and is still using a pacifier because I've apparently been too lazy to remedy either situation.

I feel guilty that some nights after she's gone to bed, I'd rather knit or get on the elliptical for 20 minutes than clean or do laundry.

I feel guilty for getting pissed at my husband when he slacks on his share of the housework, even though his work schedule forces me to solo parent four weeknights and the entire day on Saturday.

For some reason today I was feeling singularly guilty for not spending enough quality time with my kid.  Since my cooking left a lot to be desired, I thought that I'd bust out the smock and the finger paint after dinner...we had so much fun with the different colors of paint!   I'm going to try to do this kind of spontaneous activity more often - maybe we'll take a walk or play in the leaves or color in a coloring book or put on Gangnam Style and dance like fools.   I'm pretty sure that Lily loves me in spite of my flaws as a parent, so I need to not be hung up on those flaws and instead find ways to have more quality time.

In which I pontificate about car seats

Yeah, I'm going to be one of THOSE MOMS like the ones flooding everyone's Facebook feeds with information about car seat safety.   It's Child Passenger Safety Week!  If that's not something you're down with, feel free to move along.

I'm one of those car seat nuts - you know, the ones who won't put a child in a seat wearing a thick/puffy winter coat, who still has her 2 year old rear facing, and who cringed when she saw a child going into a booster seat at daycare pickup (this at an infant/toddler center which doesn't have children older than 3).   I took my car to a seat check and was told by a tech that after 3 hours of checking seats, mine was the first one they saw that was correctly installed.   Did you know that up to 73% of car seats are not correctly installed or used?   That's a scary statistic, especially since I think all parents would do anything they could to protect their children.   Car seat misuse isn't because parents don't care, it's because it's confusing and can be difficult to get right.  

I've read the NHTSA studies and it's pretty convincing - keeping children rear facing as long as possible prevents injuries and saves lives.   Rear facing kids under the age of 2 are 5 times less likely to die or suffer serious injuries than forward facing kids.   FIVE TIMES.    The AAP's current recommendation is: "All infants and toddlers should ride in a Rear-Facing Car Seat until they are 2 years of age or until they reach the highest weight or height allowed by their car seat’s manufacturer."  

Lily is still rear facing in both of our cars in her Britax Boulevard 70 seats.   This seat is designed with a 40 pound rear facing limit (70 pounds forward facing) although realistically most children will outgrow it by height well before reaching either of the weight limits.   That's the case for most convertible seats on the market today.   She has at least 2" of hard shell over her head, and the limit for this seat is 1" of hard shell.  After the age of 2, children will gain around 1" of torso height per year so we should be able to keep her rear facing until around 3 years old in this seat.    Developmentally, her musculoskeletal system will be more mature and able to better withstand crash forces at 3 than it is at 2, and we'll be OK with turning her when the time comes.  

She's not at all uncomfortable - she either props her legs up on the seat back or sits cross-legged in her seat.   I'll give her a book or small toy if she wants one (we don't snack in our cars).   Rear facing is all she's ever known and she doesn't think it's weird.   It's not terribly difficult to get her in and out of the seat (I don't have her climb in because she uses the headwings for leverage, and I don't want to break them).   We have a mirror so that I can see her and she can see me, but Mark doesn't have a mirror in his car and she's just fine without it.  In the winter when we're driving home from daycare in the dark, I may pick up one of those DVD players that has the screen that attaches to a head rest.   Really, does this look like a toddler who just hates to be rear facing?

(Yes, she removed her shoe and was chewing on it.  Mother of the Year, right here!)

When we took Lily in for her 2 year well child visit, the doctor asked about car seat use and started off with, "She's probably forward facing now..." and her face lit up when we told her that she was still rear facing and would be for as long as possible.   We hadn't seen this young pediatrician before, but she said that car seat safety was emphasized during her residency and it's something she talks to all families about - she said she's had patients who were in boosters at two years old, so it was wonderful to have a family who follows the recommendation.

This is a great blog post, written in easy-to-understand language, about the AAP recommendations and what a good car seat progression would be.   It doesn't have to be expensive and complicated.   And please, regardless of what car seat or booster your child is in, go to a Safe Kids seat check or contact your local car seat tech.   They are certified to make sure that your seat is installed and is being used correctly!  

A little knitting project for me

This is the project I was wrapping up last time I posted knitting pics.   It's a shawl for me, one meant to keep you warm rather than just looking pretty.   My office can have some weird temperature fluctuations and I usually keep a sweater at work between October and April but I think this shawl will be much better.  I bought the yarn at Stitches East last October on a WEBS closeout and cast on immediately, but then we had that freak winter storm and I was busy (OK, overwhelmed) with grad school and work and home and I set it aside until a few weeks ago.

It's knit in a baby alpaca/merino wool/cashmere (!) blend and it's about the softest thing I've ever felt.  Handwash only, but insanely warm.

Lily saw my shawl and begged me for one.  I have three balls of yarn left, which would be enough to knit a matching shawlette. but I just can't bring myself to use a handwash yarn for a 2 year old.   With the way we do laundry it'd get chucked in her hamper and accidentally felted.   I'm actually knitting a pretty shawlette/wrap out of sock yarn right now and I'll probably let her use it because it'll be the right size and I can wash the heck out of it if necessary.

I'm on a shawl kick at the moment - all lacy pretty things.  Totally counter-intuitive when heading into the cold part of the year, I know.

Does she really need a pink and purple toy doctor kit?

Or: Why we don't buy girly versions of non-gendered toys for our kid.

Lily has been reallyinto those toy medical kits since they had health & safety week at daycare a few weeks ago and they got to play with them.  She has a doctor dress-up outfit with a toy stethoscope that she uses to “check” Mommy and Daddy and Bella the dog, but it only has the stethoscope so we decided we should get the full-on toy medical kit.   You know - the one that Fisher Price had when we were little; with a stethoscope, a blood pressure cuff, an otoscope, a reflex hammer, a bracelet that looks like a bandage, a fake syringe, and a little bag.  

Since I had to go to Trader Joe’s for bananas during my lunch break today, I stopped in at ToysRUs to see what they had to offer.   A surprisingly-helpful employee asked if he could help me find something and when I told him, he led me over to the preschool section and asked, “Do you want the boy version or the girl version?”   I said, “I want the gender neutral one.”  He chuckled and said that meant the so-called boy version.   He handed me the toy medical kit and said that they haveto ask almost all the time because now virtually all toys come in a standard/boy version and a girly version.     

This was what was on the shelf as the supposed "boy" version:

I don't find anything particularly boyish about this kit - it's just like the one I had 30 years ago when I was a kid.   Here's what the "girl" version looks like:

The parts are all the same, except the pink kit comes with a hard case (which according to online reviews doesn't hold all of the parts of the doctor kit anyways!).   And then there's the freaking pink everywhere for no good reason.  

If you doubt the pinkification of even simple and non-gendered toys, step into the toy and children’s products aisles at Target or BabiesRUs or ToysRUs.  Look at a bubble mower or a toy medical kit or even Duplo sets, and you’ll see that virtually every toy for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers comes in both the primary-colored version (apparently that’s the boy version) and a version in pink and/or purple hues (for the girls).   Leapfrog has all of their baby and toddler toys in a Scout version (green) and a Violet version (purple).  You’ll see a car seat or stroller which comes in a gender-neutral style and then a pink or purple style, often with flowers.  

Our infant car seat has a green cover because we didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl, and like everything we got before Lily’s birth it’s gender neutral.  Our swing, bouncer, and most of our newborn layette is gender neutral with lots of lambs, ducks, and froggies.   We got her Boulevards (convertible car seats) in neutral prints/patterns because our plan is to pass the seats down to our next child when the time comes and to buy high weight combination seats for Lily.   When it’s time for a combo seat, she can help pick the pattern because she’ll be in that seat for several years, but when she was too young to choose we went gender-neutral.  

I see it not infrequently where if a couple finds out they’re having a girl, their BRU registry is full of pink infant car seats and pink Pack & Plays and pink swings and pink clothes and pink EVERYTHING.   I’m not saying to not get a girly bedding set or some pink receiving blankets, because we even went to the extent of ordering a boyish crib bedding set and a girlish one and then returning the unused one to Pottery Barn Kids after Lily was born!   But still, I think it's a little shortsighted to make an entire registry girly. Especially for gear that may be reused for a future child, unless you’re positive that your childbearing plans are “one and done” it makes sense to go with more neutral choices or you’re likely to feel that you have to buy new stuff rather than putting a little boy in a pink princess SwaddleMe (note that said little boy is unlikely to notice or care if you do so).   

As part of my apparently-useless M.S. in management, I took a required marketing course and enjoyed it enough that I took a marketing elective as well.   My husband’s undergrad degree is in marketing.   I don’t fancy myself much of a marketing genius, but I do know this – the current trend in pink-ifying baby gear, toys, and kids’ clothes is pure marketing.  Think about it – if you have a girl first you’re likely to get all of the girly versions of toys, then if you have a boy you’ll be re-buying the normal versions because HEAVEN FORBID a little boy push around a pink bubble mower (note my sarcasm there).   If you have a boy first you’ll have all the normal versions but will be at least tempted to get the girly stuff for your little one.   Since most American families have more than one child and statistically speaking it's most common to have at least one of each gender, it’s not surprising that there are families out there who have a red bubble mower and a pink one, or a green Scout and a purple Violet, purchased for different children.   The supply chain for making injection-molded plastic toys is only marginally more complicated if you’re making a girly version and a standard one.   So there’s minimal added cost to have the second pink line, and the potential for greater sales for the toy manufacturers – a win-win for sure. 

So from the perspective of not getting sucked into the marketing vortex of buying new toys in a few years if we have a son, we buy the standard versions of toys and we chose all gender-neutral baby gear.   What I find fascinating is that a lot of toys and gear aren't necessarily in stereotypical "boy" and "girl" versions - there's a neutral/classic version and a girly version.   It's just that people see the pink one, clearly intended for girls, and it starts to seem like the neutral version must be for boys.  

Little girls and boys don’t know that they’re “supposed” to like pink princesses or blue race cars.  Societal influences and marketing push them towards those things.   Mark and I have consciously tried to raise Lily without media and marketing and us telling her that she has to do or like certain things because she’s a girl.   We don’t restrict her from playing with toys but until she was old enough to start having and expressing her own preferences we stayed strictly gender-neutral on toys, books, etc.  We’ve had some good-natured fun poked at us by relatives and friends because of this, but it’s important to us.   

Needless to say, I bought the standard version of the toy today and Lily is overjoyed with her "doctor kit". 

Who wears the pants?

A few days ago I read a really interesting article in the New York Times, entitled "Who Wears the Pants in This Economy?"  The author visited a small former mill town in Alabama where until recently, a working wife/mother was shockingly non-traditional and where men were able to provide a comfortable living as sole breadwinners until the mills closed and most of the male employees were laid off.   With no real diversification in local industry, many of those men have been unemployed for the long term.   The working class and middle class families profiled had women who bucked the trend and had careers, and were now the primary or sole breadwinners while their husbands sort of drifted, maybe doing some light housework or ferrying teenage children to activities and hunting or fishing in between.   It was fascinating because these families were being told at their church and among their social circles that men are to provide and women are to nurture at home and were teaching these strict gender roles to their kids, and yet there's this sharp contrast with those values and the families' reality in the post-Great Recession economy.  The men are left in a position where they're the titular head of the household but with none of the financial power that they used to have, and the women are told in church that they're to be submissive wives yet are the ones financially supporting the household.

We are a family who was substantially impacted by the economic collapse.  In September 2008, we were doing pretty darned well.   Mark was working at a great job that he liked and that paid very nicely.   I was working where I work now, albeit for a different manager (one who I wasn't thrilled with).   And then in October the markets melted down and Mark was laid off with no warning.   Nine long and difficult months of unemployment ensued, followed by just over a year of him working in a retail setting for a crummy little cell phone company that hired him with the promise of rapid advancement that never panned out.   He was laid off by that company when I was 20 weeks pregnant, only to get a new job with that same company that not only paid less but gave him an hourlong commute each way every day (still better than nothing - especially with a baby on the way).   Because of the layoff he had no PTO and was short of FMLA eligibility by just a few weeks when Lily was born, so he took a week of unpaid leave and hoped they'd hold to their promise to keep his job while he was out.   They did, but the day he returned he was informed that his department was being closed down as of the next day and that he should be grateful that rather than being laid off they were sending the employees back to retail.   He came home from work that day to his wife and week old baby and started sending out resumes.  Within a week he'd heard from his current employer and started the interview process.  He gave his notice and started his current job when Lily was 6 weeks old.   A week after he left, his former employer ceased doing business in this state - we were fortunate that he'd gotten out prior to the company shutting down.

He works for a huge telecom/wireless company (a hint - "Can you hear me now?") and his employer provides us with great medical insurance at 1/4 the premiums of what is offered by my employer (which is pushing hard to get employees on high deductible plans).  Their tuition assistance will just about cover the bill for him to go to grad school, which hopefully will start next month.   Because he's salaried non-exempt, he's able to get overtime, which helps substantially even if he only picks up a few hours a week.   The kicker is that he basically started his career over again at entry level at the age of 31.   He'll get caught up again eventually, but it's not going to be during our childbearing years.   I still earn nearly twice what he does, and we expect that the relative disparity will continue for some time to come.

You'd think that this situation would bother us, but it really doesn't.   We both grew up in families where both of our parents worked.   Yeah, my mom was home with me for my first year and his mom was home with the kids until Mark started school, but basically for as long as either of us can remember, we saw our parents both working and parenting and maintaining our homes.   Our religion (or lack thereof) never told us that God wanted the man to provide and the woman to nurture.    Most of our friends and all of our relatives in our age range are in situations where both spouses work.   It's just our reality, and both of us have a decent sense of balance when it comes to our careers and our life at home.   We both provide, and we both nurture our child.   In a very real sense we both wear the pants in our family and we're happy with that!

That's why it was kind of shocking to read that NY Times article and realize that there are plenty of people who still buy into the "a man supports his family and a woman nurtures her family" gender roles.   I know it's a function of religious institutions and local society dictating as such, but it's still startling to know that in other parts of the US, little girls in Sunday School are being told that they are princesses for their future husbands to take care of - yet reality is that those girls are the ones going to college, getting jobs as nurses and teachers and engineers, and are likely to need to work to help support their families.   Their male counterparts are having it drilled into their heads that being a sole provider is their birthright, yet most of them will be unable to do so in the new economy.   As a sociological phenomenon I find it fascinating that kids are being raised with that sort of traditional outlook when in fact their actual lives are likely to be very different.

Small knitting projects

I've done a couple of small projects in the last few weeks.

The first is a Brattleboro Hat for myself.  Love!  I knit it in Malabrigo Rios, which has rapidly become my favorite superwash wool (unfortunately it's not cheap, although not as expensive as the gorgeous Tosh Vintage or DIC Classy).  Mal Rios is so soft and smooshy and easy on the hands to knit.   If I hit the lotto jackpot I'll be buying enough Rios to knit myself a freaking afghan.

The second is an Aviatrix hat for Lily, in the 2-4 year size.  It's just right for her giant noggin, but I wasn't able to get an action shot.  Also in Rios, but a different colorway that I bought a while ago for a cowl for myself.   I have more than enough yarn left over to knit her matching mittens!    

Finally, I taught myself to double crochet (thanks, YouTube) so that I could finish Lily's Elenka dress.  It's a size 2 with extra length in the skirt, knit in Lion Brand Cotton-Ease (see, I'm not that much of a yarn snob!).  No action shot yet, but she needs to wear it soon before it gets too cold.   I'm using the remaining yarn in the ball to knit a little diaper/underwear cover because the openwork in the skirt is a little more open than I'd like.  

I have a BIG project that I just finished, which I started in October 2011.  It's a shawl for me, knit in a lovely baby alpaca/merino/cashmere blend which is obscenely warm and cozy.   It's blocking now.  

We are weaned

I have a feeling even my friends who are/were nursing moms might find this a little weird, but I nursed my kid on her 2nd birthday!   It's just not something you talk about with other people, unless you're sure they're like-minded.   Of course Mark knew that we were still nursing, and my parents and brother were aware of it but I think my inlaws, coworkers, and most of our friends operated on the assumption that she weaned a while ago.  It's socially acceptable, even desirable, to nurse an infant - but nursing a toddler is a whole different ball of wax.  I have to admit that until I was the nursing mom of a toddler, I thought it was a little weird myself - but then as we were going through Lily's 2nd year it felt perfectly natural to continue.

After Lily's first birthday I had met my goal to nurse until at least 1 year old, and decided that anything after that would be up to her and I was willing to go until 18 months or so.   Most of my friends whose kids are the same age as Lily ended up with their toddlers weaning at right around a year, maybe going a month or two more but then showing no more interest.   As 18 months approached, I quietly decided that I'd be OK with continuing until the 2 year mark but was sure that she'd self-wean before then.   Yeah, right!    I never wanted weaning to be a traumatic or difficult thing for either of us, and I didn't mind continuing the once-a-day nursing routine since I still had milk, so I didn't push the issue.

In the weeks leading up to Lily's birthday she started skipping a night here and there, and shortened up the time she spent nursing.   I was totally cool with this until she skipped TWO nights.  I've been doing don't offer/don't refuse for ages now (basically since her first birthday) but it hit me like a ton of bricks that my baby was ready to be done with nursing.   Naturally as soon as I went downstairs and broke down crying, she started calling for me to nurse and I ran back up to oblige.  She went back to asking to nurse most nights for a few more weeks.  Still, I wasn't at all surprised when sometime last week she just stopped asking.  We read books and rock in the glider and then she gets into her bed.   No tears, no drama, just a little girl who decided that she doesn't need to nurse anymore - exactly what I wanted weaning to be for us.

It's a bittersweet feeling to know that our nursing relationship is over.   On one hand I'm really glad that my body will be 100% my own for at least a few months; between pregnancy and nursing it's been close to 3 years.   Her lip tie has also been causing issues in recent months to the point where if she was nursing more than once a day I would have probably developed abrasions and mastitis again.   On the other hand, nursing was something that was a constant part of our lives since she was less than an hour old.  It's something that I always treasured, not just as a way to nourish my baby but as an emotional bonding experience.   Nursing (and pumping) was the one thing that only I could do for her, even though I had to be at work, and that meant a lot to me.  

Every bit of the early struggle to breastfeed was more than worth it for the 24+ months of nursing that we shared, not to mention the wonderful friends who we've made thanks to the breastfeeding support group that I found when she was a week old.  God willing, there will be at least one more baby in the future and that baby and I will have a long and happy nursing relationship just like the one Lily and I shared.

A summery sweater

Since I've been on a knitting kick lately, here is a project I finished yesterday morning.   It's a short sleeved sweater with lace sleeves and a mock button yoke.   The pattern is called Hine and I bought it along with the companion pattern Tama in an e-book.   I used Sirdar Snuggly Baby Bamboo DK as the yarn - I really liked the pattern but was less than thrilled with the yarn.  It's an 80/20 blend of bamboo and wool and has a lovely drape and sheen, but was really splitty and had 2-3 knots per ball.  For the price I paid, I expect better quality.  

I knit the 2 year size and it ended up being a little big on my petite kid.  She should be able to wear it all fall and winter and into the spring with no problem.

In progress:

Finished (but unblocked, so there's unevenness):

An accidentally-patriotic sweater

I cast on for this sweater in January - basically following Elizabeth Zimmerman's Baby Surprise Jacket pattern, but modified heavily to fit a toddler/child.   I do have the A-B-C-SJ pattern but I've knit enough BSJs by now that I think I could do it without needing to read!  

I got around 60% finished and then put it down for 6 months while I finished grad school.   I decided to pick up back up and challenged myself to finish it during the Olympics.  I used a provisional cast on, lengthened the center 90 by 4-5 ridges, then widened the torso a bit by knitting a few extra ridges prior to the buttonholes.   I did an applied i-cord bind off followed by picking up the provisional cast on and lengthening the sleeves, then a three needle i-cord bind off to seam the sleeves.  The colors are red, blue, and an off-white/light beige, so it looks patriotic although I just liked the way the colors went together.   The i-cord in particular felt like it took FOREVER especially since I had to do a variation to avoid a color blip from the stripes in the jacket, but I got it done less than a week into the Olympics.  The striping is a total coincidence.

This is the result!

I managed to convince Lily to try it on, and it looks like a 2T/3T size, and I think there's a decent chance it'll fit her not only this fall and winter but next year as well.  

Two

Today Lily is two.  As I started to explain in my last post, we had an interesting start.   After a blessedly fast stage of active labor and only 15 minutes of pushing, at 9:54 AM on August 5, 2010 my doctor announced "It's a girl" and put our baby on my tummy - and our lives changed forever.   My fear of being someone's mom went away and I fell in love with the little person who we had wanted so much and waited for 9 months to meet.  Every day, being Lily's mom reminds me that raising her and her future sibling(s) is what I'm on this earth to do.  In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday and in others it feels like it's been a lifetime.  

It's been two years since I went to bed without checking on my sleeping little girl in the next room.  

It's been two years of going everywhere with a diaper bag.  

It's been two years of having to put breakable things away or on high shelves out of reach of little hands.

It's been two years of snuggles, cuddles, and love.  

It's been the best two years of my life.  

Happy birthday, my girl.  

Fear

Fear is most of what I felt two years ago today.

The previous Friday, my coworkers had thrown a surprise party for me to celebrate the impending arrival (my due date was August 11th).  I had a huge piece of cake and usually that amount of sugar would have "Marvin" bouncing off the walls in there - the baby was moving but not as much as I thought s/he should, so I called my OB's office.   Of course he was on vacation, it was late in the day on a Friday, and the other OB in the office couldn't fit me in.   So they sent me to OB triage at the hospital for a biophysical profile to make sure everything was OK, saying that since I was seeing and feeling movement it was probably just the usual slowing-down as a baby runs out of room.   I had been in for my 38 week appointment three days prior and all had been well, and the baby was definitely kicking a bit, so I tried not to panic as I drove from the office to the Hospital of Central Connecticut. 

Naturally as soon as I got to the hospital Baby Marvin was bouncing around like crazy.  I told the nurse that as she got me set up in a bed for the test, and she laughed and said that was typical.   The OB resident came in and did an ultrasound before pronouncing the baby "textbook perfect" and that baby was indeed just slowing down and running out of room.  We all chalked it up to first time mom jitters.   After an hour and a half at the hospital (during which at least one baby was born across the hall from my triage room) I was cleared to leave, but when I stopped at the desk for my paperwork the nurse realized the automatic BP cuff had not been working and they really should check it quickly for sake of completeness in my chart.   She brought me back in, put the cuff on, and started the machine - and when she saw the reading her demeanor and that of the resident changed in a split second.   I was immediately put back into bed with the baby on continuous monitoring and my BP being checked every 10 minutes, while they drew labs to check for HELLP syndrome (!).   Once those came back clear (so the baby and I weren't in immediate danger) they called the on-call OB from my doctor's practice to have him decide if I'd be admitted for a 24 hour urine collection or if I could go home on bed rest to do said collection over the weekend.   He decided I could go home but I was instructed by the nurses that I could get up only to go to the bathroom and take a quick shower, and that if I experienced any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia or eclampsia I was to come directly to the hospital with no delay.   So what started as a pretty routine biophysical profile ended up with spending 4.5 hours in OB triage and going home on bed rest until I could see my doctor.  

I spent the weekend and Monday on the couch, feeling decent and sure that this was all some big misunderstanding.  I had plans to go out with my sister in law and my husband's cousin for pedicures and that had to be cancelled.  I was pissed that I couldn't clean my house.   And I was scared that something could go wrong with me or the baby.   My husband dropped off the pee bucket at the hospital lab after 24 hours and we waited.   The first appointment I had, for the 3rd, was cancelled because my doctor had an emergency at the hospital. They could have had me see the nurse practitioner, who is a nice person but not the doctor who I knew and trusted and saw for all of my prenatal care.   I said I'd stay on the couch for another day.  

On the 4th I called into a work meeting from home before my appointment, saying that I was sure that once I saw the doctor I'd be cleared to come back to work.   I think it was a defense mechanism on my part but I still felt pretty normal for 39 weeks pregnant.   His medical assistant took my blood pressure twice, and for the first time she didn't tell me the numbers.  My OB came in and took my blood pressure himself to double check, and it was still sky high.   He'd gotten the lab report from the 24 hour urine collection and it was confirmed - I had pre-eclampsia.   I was only spilling a bit of protein but my blood pressure was high enough that he wanted to induce immediately.   He did an ultrasound and the baby was still doing perfectly but I was not, and delivery is the only cure for pre-eclampsia.   So I was told to get Mark home from work and to eat a hearty lunch, because the nurses would be expecting us at the hospital in the early afternoon.  

We got there and I was admitted.  The maternity unit was jam-packed and I got the last L&D room.   A resident started Cervidil, with Pitocin to start 12 hours later.  I was only 1 cm dilated and was excited and terrified.  I didn't want an induction, with the IV and the monitoring and the Pitocin and the increased risk of it winding up as a C-section.   We had been hoping for a low-intervention birth with just a heplock and intermittent monitoring and no meds - but I was sick and everything had changed. I tried to not be sad at losing the "birth experience" that I thought I should want, and was grateful to the nurses and my doctor for doing what they could to make those necessary interventions easier on us and explaining everything before it happened.   My OB had assured me that he wasn't in the mood to do a C-section on a patient with pre-eclampsia unless the baby needed to be born ASAP and that he thought the induction was likely to be successful because the baby was doing so well and we had caught the pre-eclampsia before it could become severe.    And once we were at the hospital I actually felt relief at having continuous monitoring - I knew that if the baby started to go downhill, they'd see it immediately and the surgical suite was just a few doors down the hall.   The nurses were incredibly supportive and helpful, and I knew my OB was on-call the next day and would likely be the one there to catch the baby at delivery.  I was scared, but we were all OK.  

And we knew that the next day, August 5th, we'd probably have our baby.   To this day I'm not sure whether I was more scared about having a high risk delivery or about being someone's mother.   I have a feeling that it was actually the latter!  

So when are you going to have another?

Lily will be two on Sunday and it feels like I hear that question constantly.  You wouldn't believe the level of baby fever I often feel.   THREE of the moms in our little playgroup are expecting their second babies in December, the mom of one of Lily's friends at daycare is pregnant, everywhere I go I see pregnant ladies.

We decided pretty early on that we wanted to try to space our kids out, and we really have no choice in the matter due to finances.  With the cost of daycare not dropping until 3 it's primarily an issue of child care costs, but also to ensure that my FMLA and dependent care days would reset so that I can take as much time off of work as possible.    In Connecticut we get 16 weeks of FMLA in a 24 month period, so I wouldn't be able to take more than a 6 week maternity leave until mid-October 2012 (24 months after I went back to work).    So we've waited, and we feel like the wait is close to being over.  

I love being a mom.  Mark and I want so much to see Lily with a little brother or sister, to have another sweet newborn to get to know as a little person, to have our lives be forever changed by our child.  Lily loves babies and will be an amazing big sister.  We got lucky with Lily; we conceived the first time we tried and the pregnancy stuck.   I know so many women who didn't have the same good fortune and I'm very aware that just because it happened that way once doesn't mean it automatically will again.   I don't want to wait when it could take time.    We're not getting any younger (not that we're that old) and we kind of want the kids out of the house at some point before we retire, you know?  

At the same time I'm finally feeling back in the groove at work.  I feel ready to take on more projects, to take some training classes, that it's OK for me to spend 9+ hours at the office if I need to because Lily's having fun at daycare.   It's been around a year since I had to wake up overnight to tend to a fussy child (I know, we're lucky).   She eats the same food we do, using normal plates and utensils; there's no washing of bottles and pump parts and hasn't been for a while.   It's all pretty easy now, and a newborn would mean months or years of less sleep.   

We have a feeling we'll pull the goalie soon-ish and see what happens.   Still, I think we've thought about and analyzed the decision to try for a second baby way more than we analyzed the decision to try for our first baby.   Having your first creates a family, and having more babies changes it - it's not just us who will be affected by a future child, it's Lily too.   

Time for a big girl bed

We bit the bullet a week ago and converted Lily's crib to a toddler bed.    With around an hour of effort on my part with her parked in front of Sesame Street, we went from this:

To this:

Lily was a little confused at first but quickly climbed in to try it out.   We made a big deal out of her BIG GIRL BED and her exciting new sheets and blanket and pillow for the big girl bed, and she did really well with the transition.   It was almost a week before she fell out and it only happened once (she still moves around the bed a lot, but less than when it was set up as a crib).   Mark and I kept the crib rail in our room just in case we had to do a quick reversion but it seems to be just fine.

We peek in on her every night before we go to bed, and that first night in the toddler bed we looked at each other and thought that she looked so grown up.   And she is - I can't believe how the last two years have flown.

Birthday party plans

Yeah, my staycation wasn't quite as fruitful as I had hoped it would be.   Isn't that kind of how it always goes?

Lily's birthday kind of crept up on us this year.  It's funny - last year for her first birthday I was nuts about planning everything to the letter.  We had a theme with expensive custom cupcakes, we had a detailed menu, I did a bunch of crafting (even making artsy signs indicating things like "Pasta Salad" as if someone couldn't freaking see it in the serving dish), I was totally channeling my inner Martha Stewart - and then it went and was in the 60s and pouring down rain the day of the party.   IN AUGUST.  Thanks to a speedy delivery and setup of a large tent from our dear family friends who own a rental center, we managed to salvage the backyard party, but I was incredibly stressed and spent the entire party in a panic over making sure our guests were reasonably comfortable, fed, and dry.    After the guests went home we realized that there were few pictures of us with our daughter at her party, because we were so busy running around like maniacs.

I was tempted to book the local children's museum for Lily's party this year, but we decided to do a more informal party at home.  Our whole approach is much less formal - a smaller guest list, cupcakes ordered from the bakery down the street, burgers & hot dogs on the grill with soda and beer in coolers, a pop-up canopy or two, and the entertainment will be a bunch of kids playing in the water table and kiddie pool (weather permitting).   Because we have the bedroom on our main level set up as the playroom now, if it rains we'll just head inside and the kids can play in there.   Our house is small, but with fewer guests it would be more tolerable if we can't be in the yard.

Now to think of a birthday gift for the 2 year old who has everything...

Not quite a fashionista...

...but I'm trying!   I've never been one for fashion.   I was never a girl who bought makeup and wore it behind my parents' back.  My hair has never been inspired; much of my teens and 20s was spent with the simplest wash-and-wear option I could find.   And clothes?  Utilitarian at best.   I spent the first several years with my employer working at our test facility often, and there was no point in spending money on expensive clothes when they'd just get grease, rust, and dirt on them.  Plus, I'm close to being plus-size and it can be a bitch to find pretty clothes in a size 16 when everything is cut to fit a size 6.   I can't just run to Nordstrom or Loft and go nuts.

Lately I've been trying some new things.  I'm no spring chicken anymore and I can't rely on youth to get me through.   I really do need to wear makeup to smooth out my skin tone and hide the redness and dark circles under my eyes that have only gotten more obvious with motherhood.   I ought to wear cute clothes that make me feel good, even though no one at work will really care.

My stylist up and quit with no warning back in May and I let my hair go - not a pretty scene.   I found a new salon on the recommendation of a coworker and went for a partial foil and cut.   The colorist had to do not one, but TWO Malibu treatments to get the well water-related mineral buildup out before she did my highlights.   She did an awesome job with my color.   The stylist recommended that we keep some of the length because of my face shape and adding some layers to give my straight-as-a-board hair a little texture and body.   I was OK with that because I can still pull it back for workouts or at work.   And finally, I hit up the Bare Escentuals store at the mall for mineral makeup.  I'm glad I did, because the shade of foundation is not one I would have thought to go for but it really smooths everything out and minimizes the redness of my skin thanks to having yellow undertones rather than pinkish ones.   I'm not doing a whole lot with my wardrobe beyond accessorizing more.  Honestly that's where I've struggled the most - I'm not sure what else to do that won't cost a fortune.

Inexpensive wall art

When we got married we inherited a bunch of decor from various relatives, mainly my grandmother.   While there's certainly sentimental value to all of it, much of what we had just wasn't "us" when it came to style.   We've had this needlepoint tray thing hanging on our living room wall for years and decided it was time to update the look a bit:

I got my inspiration from this post at Young House Love.   The scale I was working on was smaller than what they were going for, but fortunately IKEA has smaller Ribba shadowbox frames available.   I snagged three of them for $9.99 each.

Rather than buying colored paper I decided to use fabric scraps; these are left over from a fat quarter bundle that I used to sew another pillowcase dress for Lily.

I just cut the fabric bigger than the opening in the shadowbox mat, then gave them a quick press with the iron.    Then I took the backs off the shadowboxes and centered the hanger in the middle of the backing.

I taped the fabric to the back of the mat and then put the backs on - so simple!

It seriously took me less than 5 minutes to make all three shadowbox frames.

I used our laser level to mark the nail positions on the wall, then hung the frames.   What a great update to our living room decor, all in less than 15 minutes from start to finish and for under $30!

Must run faster

I got back into running several months ago after a hiatus that started in late 2009 when we found out I was pregnant.   I tried to start running again several times after I had her but I'm one of those unlucky women who had excess joint laxity until my hormones started to stabilize.   Then I was in grad school and life was just too insane for me to do anything.  

I've never been a natural runner.  I swam and rowed crew in high school, and rowed for a year in college. I had to run for crew and absolutely loathed it.   There are several reasons why I didn't really enjoy running very much:
1) I'm slow.
2) I'm fat.
3) Did I mention I'm slow?

I ran the Rentschler Airfield 5K on Thursday evening.  It was 90 degrees and humid with blazing sun for the first half of the race.   That's less than ideal, especially considering that I did all of my running on a treadmill at the air conditioned YMCA.   I hadn't run on the road since, um, 2009.

Things weren't atrocious.  I went out and hit the first mile at around a 10 minute pace (my planned race pace was 11 minute miles).   Then the sun/heat really hit on the second mile and I was around a 12:30 pace, and then I finished the 5K in 37:34 - a 12:06 average pace for the entire 3.1 mile distance.   Not great but also not awful.  I wasn't the slowest and I wasn't the slowest in my age group, either.  For the last half of the race I was pretty much surrounded by other people including some folks who looked like much more serious runners - and we were all suffering with the heat.

A few things I've learned:

1) I need new shoes, badly.  My New Balance 769s from 2009 are breaking down and no longer give me the support I need to run comfortably.   Like I said, I'm no lightweight and I also tend to pronate - not a great combo on old shoes because it causes shin pain.
2) I need to start running outside now and then.  This is really hard for me to do because of Mark's work schedule; he's not home until 7:15 and because of Lily I can't leave until he's here.  I think I can swing one outside run per week with the others on the treadmill at the Y.
3) I need to improve my speed.  I have the Jeff Galloway 5K app because I like how it adjusts the BPM of my music to suit my pace, and it has a program to improve one's time.   I'm going to start it in hopes of getting faster.
4) I need to figure out what to do with my iPhone.  I first tried it in the zipper pocket of my SparkleTech skirt but the buttons got touched and messed up my program.   I ended up holding it for the rest of the race which was annoying.   Maybe one of those armband things will work?

I addressed #1 today when I took Lily to Fleet Feet for a fitting.   My last several pairs of shoes have been New Balance, but we decided to switch to Nike.   I went for the Zoom Structure Triax+ 15.   I ran on their treadmill with 6+ pairs of shoes and these were by far the most comfortable.  I also picked up a pair of Balega socks.  Going for a fitting with a toddler was a whole new experience which included my kid knocking over a display of Camelbak bottles - so embarrassing.   She was pretty patient for a 2 year old, though.

I'm a sucker for punishment because I signed up for another 5K next Wednesday.  I know I can do the distance and I get a tech shirt for being one of the first 500 to register, so why not?  It's in the town where my parents live, so Lily will hang out with Grandma at the finish line.   I hope to run faster this time or at least have a more even pace - we'll see.    After this one, I have a 5K scheduled for late August and another in mid-October.   Mark and I have signed up for the Warrior Dash in September so I need to start some strength training to get ready for that.

Toddler-friendly dining room chair cushions

Materials and Tools for 5 chairs

• 3.5 yards of 45" home decor fabric in the stripe pattern
• 1 yard of 54" clear 12 mil vinyl
• Five 22"x24"x2" chair pads of high density urethane foam
• Staple gun
• Staples
• Scissors
• Philips head screwdriver
• Needle nose pliers

Our dining room set has been in my family for 20+ years.   My dad got the set from a restaurant that went out of business and when I was a kid it was our dining set.   As my brother and I got older our parents got a nice new dining set and put the old one in the basement.   When I finished college and started to plan my first apartment, I got most of my furniture from my parents including the dining set.   My dad helped me strip and refinish it and then reupholster the tired and dated cushions on the chairs.   I chose a sage green microfiber fabric which served us well until last summer.

 

We transitioned Lily from her high chair to a booster right around a year old and immediately discovered what kind of a mess a small child can make while eating.   We put a cheap towel between the chair cushion and her booster and washed it once or twice a week, but it still got pretty nasty with spilled food and drink - not a classy look by any stretch of the imagination.

I recently sewed new valences for our dining room windows and decided to re-upholster our chairs to match.   I would have just covered over the existing fabric but over 9 years of use the foam is tired and not so springy anymore.   I also decided to bite the bullet and cover the upholstery on one of the chairs with clear vinyl.   Yeah, it looks kind of like an old lady's clear slipcovers, but with a young child my primary concern is making our everyday life easier, not having perfect aesthetics.  

The first step was to remove a cushion from the chair in order to measure for the fabric purchase.  The cushion is held on with screws from underneath.  My cushions have a thin fabric layer which was stapled over the support webbing.  The staples can be pulled with needle nose pliers.  I set aside this layer to use again (we're on a budget here, campers).    I just measured around with a tape measure and jotted down the dimensions of the fabric; in this case 24"x25".   Measure the fabric that's already on your cushions - there's  no need to reinvent the wheel here. 

Time for math!   The home decor fabric that we chose for the valences is a 45" width and we have 5 chairs.   24" x 5 = 120" = 3 1/3 yards of fabric.   I rounded up to 3.5 yards to be on the safe side, but unfortunately there will be quite a bit left over since I can only get one piece out of the width of fabric.   The 12 mil clear vinyl is a 54" wide, so one yard will be enough to comfortably cover a cushion and have enough left over in case we need to rework it   Your numbers may vary from mine.   If you're buying your foam-by-the-yard, keep doing the math to figure out how much foam you need; foam seems to come in a 24" width so for my cushions I would have bought 3.5 yards of foam-by-the-yard.

The valences use two fabrics and I considered covering two chairs in the solid blue and three in the stripe.

However this particular home dec fabric is $10.99/yard at regular price, so I really wanted to get all the fabric in one cut in order to use a 40% off coupon on it (I only had one coupon).  The stripe also lets me pick up coordinating table linens in the different stripe shades rather than just the solid blue.  

OK, back to the project.   We already removed the cushion and took off the thin material to measure for fabric.  Now it's time to pry off the staples for the upholstery fabric.   The support webbing on the seat base is what actually supports the weight of the person sitting on the chair.  The webbing was in good shape on all but one of our chairs and for that chair I just pulled the staples out, pulled the webbing taut, and re-stapled.   You want to try to get one piece of the old upholstery fabric off intact to use as a template for the others.   Once I got the first piece off, I used a utility knife to cut the fabric on the others and that made the process go much faster than trying to yank all those staples out.   Underneath the fabric there were layers of 1" high density foam, thin batting, and the seat base itself.

The first step of reupholstering is to trim down the chair pad to fit.  I decided to do away with separate 1" foam and batting and just go with a thicker 2" high density foam.   Use the old foam or padding as a template - just trace around and use scissors to cut to the correct shape and size.   

The second step is to cut the fabric and vinyl (if you're using it).  Again, keep it simple and use the existing fabric as your template.

Then we start stapling.  I found it was best to get one side anchored, then pull the fabric taut across and anchor the opposite side.  Use staples liberally; I place them every 1.5-2 inches along the full length or width.  

At corners you're going to need to ease the fabric a bit.  This is really the only fiddly part of the whole process.  It was not unlike making hospital corners on a bed or wrapping a gift - you tuck and anchor so that the fabric is even.

Finally I re-stapled that thin black cover fabric over to hide the pad and webbing and give the cushion a neat appearance.   I screwed the cushion back onto the chair and it was done!  

For Lily's chair I did the exact same thing but then covered with the vinyl piece.  It was more challenging to work with vinyl because it doesn't stretch. I covered the cushion in two layers, first stapling the striped fabric and then independently stapling the vinyl - this way if we ever want to remove or need to replace the vinyl we can do it without disrupting the fabric underneath.  The vinyl is a little wrinkly but it works.  I'm hoping that by the time we're past the stage of having young kids we'll be able to buy a new dining set!   

This was an inexpensive and easy way to update our dining room - and the use of the vinyl makes cleanup after Lily so much easier.