The Black Friday haul

First off, the refi closed successfully on Tuesday - HUGE relief!

I hope everyone had a sparkling Thanksgiving.  I'm one of those nutcases who goes out shopping in the wee hours of Black Friday every year.  When Mark worked for a big box electronics retailer in the early years of our marriage, I never went shopping because of how crummy the day was for him.  Then in 2009 I started going out by myself for fun and have gone every year since.    That first year I was sort of foolishly thinking that I could waltz into Kohl's shortly after it opened and would get exactly what I wanted.   When the checkout line stretched around the entire store I walked in and walked right out, going instead to other stores in the same plaza and driving out to Cabela's.   After that year I got smart and planned ahead for which stores I would go to, for what deals, and in what order.

This whole "opening on Thanksgiving" business is utter BS and I refuse to shop for Black Friday deals on a holiday.   As someone whose father has always been a restaurant manager (and in his industry always works on Thanksgiving) and whose husband spent a lot of years in retail and had to work this Thanksgiving (albeit with like 2.5 times pay due to the holiday), I believe it's important for those often low-paid service and retail workers to be able to have a real holiday.   (Is this where my brother chimes in and reminds me that as an active duty service member he has duty on his boat on both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, with no holiday pay to speak of?)

Anyways, I knew I wasn't going out last night.  The only electronics item we really want is an LCD TV and the prices on those are usually best in January/February, so we're waiting on that.

I dragged my tired carcass out of bed at 4 when my alarm went off.  It was challenging, and in a future post I'll elaborate on why, but I made it happen.  I got dressed and out the door by around 4:15.

Target
I arrived at around 4:25 AM and parked in the second space from the door.  The employees said that it had been an absolute madhouse at 9 PM when they opened, but most people were there for the electronics doorbusters.  They still had some of them - I very nearly walked out with a 40" LCD TV, but decided that moving it myself was not advisable at the moment.

I had planned to pick up mostly housewares and maybe some toys and clothes.  I managed to get nearly everything on my list, and because it was between 4-10 AM and I spent at least $50 on items in certain categories, I got a Target gift card for my trouble.   I used my beloved debit RedCard and got another 5% off my whole purchase!

• 16 piece Corelle dish set - winter white frost (I picked up two boxes of these last year and wanted to add to it)
• Memorex DVD player (for the little LCD TV we have in our room - no need for anything fancy)
• Paul Frank fleece pajama pants for me
• Angry Birds toddler pajama set for Lily
• Jenga and Memory games
• Queen size flannel sheets (I love flannel sheets in winter!)
• Graco baby doll accessory play set (not for Christmas - to be Lily's potty training present)

A.C. Moore

I pulled in at 5:03 and got a decent spot.  I was apparently #90 to enter the store and got a $5 gift card.  My sole purpose in going was the 50% off Melissa & Doug.   They had this deal last year and it was awesome for Christmas gift giving and I was psyched to see it again this year.   

Unfortunately I got stuck in line behind two women who were quibbling about their holiday themed duct tape ringing up for 10 cents per roll higher than the advertised price.  One of them was buying an effing Cricut machine (they're not cheap!) and yet demanded that a manager re-ring her order right there rather than having to wait in line.   All to get 10 cents back on each of three rolls of duct tape.  She kept looking back at me and saying, "Sorry, but you understand."  Um, no.  It's THIRTY CENTS, and I will give it to you from my own purse if you'll freaking move along and let me put this heavy basket down!  I was a little disappointed that the manager caved as soon as this shopper expressed an objection to waiting in line - hello, I and others have been waiting in line behind her for a lot longer!  

• Wilton gingerbread man decorating kit
• Melissa & Doug wooden fridge food
• Melissa & Doug wooden pantry products
• Melissa & Doug magnetic dress up dolls
• Melissa & Doug grocery basket
• Melissa & Doug lace & trace shapes
• Melissa & Doug lacing beads (x2)

The lacing beads were all I really needed to find there.  Lily is insistent that Santa is bringing her "a pink lacing" and after some questioning and observation at daycare pickup we discovered that she wants a lacing bead set.   We don't make a big deal about Santa in our house, but the jolly old elf will be bringing the lacing beads!   I picked up two because Mark always gets a ticket from the Giving Tree at his office (he tries to choose a child of the same age/sex as ours).   We like to give several toys and the lacing beads make for a great choice for an older toddler or preschooler.   The rest of it is all for Lily, especially for her play kitchen.  

Lowes

Lowes is in the same plaza as A.C. Moore so I figured I'd stop in.   I just got a few things.

• Two pointsettia plants
• A balsam fir wreath for the front door
• Outdoor power stake with remote (for Mark's lighting display)
• Christmas light storage reel
• Two plastic storage containers (they were a doorbuster BOGO)

I briefly considered a nice looking storage bench but decided against it due to the weight and size of the box.  Then I headed home (with a stop at Dunkin Donuts) and found my family still asleep.  I left the packages in the car and went upstairs for a snuggle with my favorite people and dog, then had my breakfast while Mark got Lily ready for daycare.   When Mark left to drop her off I headed out again to Joann Fabrics.  

Joann Fabrics

I'm sewing matching flannel pajama pants for us and a pajama set for Lily for Christmas morning and needed fabric.  Snuggle flannel solids and prints were on an awesome doorbuster sale this morning but none of it was Christmasy enough so I went with the slightly more-expensive holiday theme flannel.   I had a 25% off coupon for my entire purchase (excluding doorbusters) so the final cost of the flannel was still really good.   When browsing the holiday fabrics I saw a cute panel for a cloth Christmas-theme alphabet book so I got that panel too, and will go back this weekend with another coupon for the batting.

• 7 yards of red and white snowflake flannel
• A Christmas themed cloth book fabric panel 
• 6 yards of 3/4" elastic
• Thread
• A new cold drink cup for work

With that, I headed home, brought all of my treasures into the house, and collapsed on the couch for a 2 hour nap!  Mark was kind enough to wake me up when he left for work.  I'm of half a mind to get the dishwasher and washing machine going and then to run back to Target for a body pillow that looked pretty darned inviting...

The saga of the mortgage refi

Back in August, as we saw mortgage rates dropping, Mark and I discussed the virtue of refinancing.   We bought our house in early 2006 and were fortunate to have a nice 5.125% fixed rate, which at the time was actually below market rates (we were able to take advantage of a first time home buyer program because Mark was working part time while finishing his degree and therefore our income was a hair below the limit).

The problem?  Well, like just about anyone who bought a house in this part of the country between around 2004 and 2008, we bought close to the peak of what we now know was a housing bubble.   We've lost not only the equity that we brought to the purchase (which was not insignificant; we saved for a year while living in a crappy low-rent apartment and living very frugally) but also what we've paid towards principal for the last 6.5 years.   If we had to sell right now we might get what we still owe on it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we have a house that can (barely) accommodate a growing family, and that we can afford; there are a lot of people who aren't as fortunate.   It's just that we planned to stay put for around 5 years, or until after the arrival of our first child, then sell and move up to something bigger and better.   You know, a house with a garage and a fenced in yard for the dog and the kids to play in, and maybe a nice bonus room that we could use for my crafting projects.   Well, in April it will have been 7 years and realistically we're looking at 4-5 minimum before we'll have enough equity to sell and move.  We're basically stuck here for the foreseeable future.

So I was pretty convinced that a refinance wouldn't be possible because we'd have to have the house appraised.  I called our original mortgage broker just to ask - and she told us that we were eligible for an FHA streamline refinance.   Limited documentation and no appraisal, with a sub-4% interest rate and a huge lender credit towards closing?  You could have blown me over with a feather.   Our response: sign us up NOW!  We did have to pull together some pay stubs and bank statements and stuff like that, but nowhere near the level of what was required to get a mortgage the first time around.   Our credit is decent so there were no worries there.  We signed everything and got our 60 day rate lock on September 6th.  

They warned us that it might take a little while because they've been inundated with these refinances with rates where they are right now, but we were assured they'd do everything in their power to get us closed within the 60 days - ideally in late October.  Well, when Halloween arrived it was clear that we would not be closing by late October.   They extended our rate lock in early November and we had to sign a new good faith estimate.   Fine and dandy, we're making progress!   Then on Monday (the 12th) I got the email and phone call that they'd underwritten and approved our loan - and we have to close by the 20th because our rate lock expires on the 26th and there's a 3 day right of rescission that has to fit in between.   Um, OK?   Mark's work schedule isn't that flexible and he already took a day off this week to come with me to a doctor's appointment, but he can try to make it work as long as we have a few days' advance notice.   I can always just take a personal day with pay for stuff like this but I'd rather give my boss a little bit of a heads up.  

So I called the closing administrator on Tuesday and left a message to call me - nothing.   On Wednesday, both of us tried to get ahold of her - again, nothing.   By yesterday I was in a semi-panic - three business days left in which to close and no one's freaking returning our calls!   I finally got in touch and she informed me that they needed a letter, signed by both of us, indicating whether or not the property is currently listed for sale (Captain Obvious, we're doing the streamline because we have no freaking equity - no equity means there's no way we'd be trying to sell it.  But I digress).   This was at 10:15 AM and Mark leaves for work 40 minutes away at 11 AM so time was of the essence; I printed out a one-sentence letter at work and had Mark stop by the office to sign on his way to work, and got it faxed over.   Late in the day the closing administrator contacted the attorney's office to have them schedule the closing.  

The paralegal contacted us this morning - freaking FRIDAY.   Monday and Tuesday are our only options here.   Monday would be nice since it's one of Mark's regular days off, and Tuesday morning would have been almost as good since Mark doesn't leave for work until 11.   Except the attorney's office only had 1 and 1:30 PM free.   Lovely.  We took the 1 PM slot out of sheer terror that if we didn't take it we'd have no other option.   Mark has to burn a half vacation day for the closing, which kind of sucks but will be worth it in the end.  

I swear on a stack of Bibles that if this closing doesn't go through as scheduled, I might sit in the mortgage broker's office and sob.   Loudly.

Oh, how I love my Crock Pot!

Life has been hectic lately - many days I fall asleep on the couch after I get us fed and Lily to bed.   Fortunately it's the best time of year to start using the Crock Pot (insert your preferred slow cooker brand here) to make all kinds of tasty, low-effort meals for the family!   On a cold November day when I've been going nuts at work and I have a hungry little girl to feed, it's so nice to come into the house and smell a delicious stew, soup, or chili that will be ready to eat in minutes.

The first key is slow cooker selection.   I have an actual Crock Pot brand, but there are probably 3-4 different name brand slow cookers on the market.   Prior to this model, we had a very basic Crock Pot that I'd used for around 6-7 years but the crock was getting scratched and more difficult to clean, so I picked my Crock Pot Smart-Pot up at Target on Black Friday two years ago.  I love it because it allows you to set the cooking time and then automatically switches to warming mode.   There are even fancier ones with fully programmable touch screens, but this one gets the job done for us.

I always try to prep my ingredients the night before.  Any cut up meats and veggies go into gallon zipper storage bags, I put spices in a little baggie, and then all I need to do in the morning is dump everything in, add water or broth and any canned goods, and turn on the power.   Even better, I can have Mark do it before he leaves for work if it's a recipe that won't handle 8-10 hours of cooking time.  I don't brown meats, onions, mushrooms, etc.  Having to haul out a pan and do that prep work (and washing the pan) starts to negate the awesome time-saving properties of the Crock Pot.    If ingredients are freezer-friendly, you can even prep everything and use the Food Saver so that all you have to do is pull the bag out of the freezer and let it thaw in the fridge overnight.  

I don't often use slow cooker liners, although if I'm cooking something that has sugar in the liquid I usually will to make cleanup easier.   I usually just fill the empty crock with warm soapy water and let it soak for an hour or two before washing it with a sponge and my trusty Bon Ami cleanser.

This week's family favorite slow cooked recipe is a simple beef stew:

2-3 cups of peeled, cubed russet or Yukon Gold potatoes
2 cups of peeled, chunked carrots (we like carrots!)
1 cup button mushrooms (optional, Lily and Mark don't like them so I usually skip them)
1 large onion, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
1.5-2 lbs stew beef
2 cups beef broth or stock (I use low sodium)
5-6 sprigs of thyme, leaves removed from stems (you don't want stems in your stew!)
1 clove garlic
salt and pepper to taste

Put vegetables in the bottom of the slow cooker with meat on top.  Add broth and seasonings.  Cook on low for 8-10 hours.  Enjoy with buttered biscuits or bread!

Guilt (again)

I feel guilty that I can't take Lily to storytime at the library, to a toddler gymnastics class, or do a weekday play date because I work.

I feel guilty that some nights lately (like tonight) I've been so tired that rather than a healthy, freshly-cooked meal we end up sharing a box of Annie's mac and cheese and some applesauce from a jar.

I feel guilty that most nights while I cook dinner I let Lily watch an episode of Sesame Street or a Signing Time DVD.  

I feel guilty for working and being away from my kid for 9-10 hours every weekday.

I feel guilty that I'm not creative enough to plan real art projects, do sensory play, take her on nature walks, or do any of the other stuff that apparently we're supposed to be doing to stimulate her brain.

I feel guilty for cutting her off after 3 books at bed time because I have stuff that I need to do after she goes to sleep.

I feel guilty that my 26 month old is nowhere near potty trained and is still using a pacifier because I've apparently been too lazy to remedy either situation.

I feel guilty that some nights after she's gone to bed, I'd rather knit or get on the elliptical for 20 minutes than clean or do laundry.

I feel guilty for getting pissed at my husband when he slacks on his share of the housework, even though his work schedule forces me to solo parent four weeknights and the entire day on Saturday.

For some reason today I was feeling singularly guilty for not spending enough quality time with my kid.  Since my cooking left a lot to be desired, I thought that I'd bust out the smock and the finger paint after dinner...we had so much fun with the different colors of paint!   I'm going to try to do this kind of spontaneous activity more often - maybe we'll take a walk or play in the leaves or color in a coloring book or put on Gangnam Style and dance like fools.   I'm pretty sure that Lily loves me in spite of my flaws as a parent, so I need to not be hung up on those flaws and instead find ways to have more quality time.

In which I pontificate about car seats

Yeah, I'm going to be one of THOSE MOMS like the ones flooding everyone's Facebook feeds with information about car seat safety.   It's Child Passenger Safety Week!  If that's not something you're down with, feel free to move along.

I'm one of those car seat nuts - you know, the ones who won't put a child in a seat wearing a thick/puffy winter coat, who still has her 2 year old rear facing, and who cringed when she saw a child going into a booster seat at daycare pickup (this at an infant/toddler center which doesn't have children older than 3).   I took my car to a seat check and was told by a tech that after 3 hours of checking seats, mine was the first one they saw that was correctly installed.   Did you know that up to 73% of car seats are not correctly installed or used?   That's a scary statistic, especially since I think all parents would do anything they could to protect their children.   Car seat misuse isn't because parents don't care, it's because it's confusing and can be difficult to get right.  

I've read the NHTSA studies and it's pretty convincing - keeping children rear facing as long as possible prevents injuries and saves lives.   Rear facing kids under the age of 2 are 5 times less likely to die or suffer serious injuries than forward facing kids.   FIVE TIMES.    The AAP's current recommendation is: "All infants and toddlers should ride in a Rear-Facing Car Seat until they are 2 years of age or until they reach the highest weight or height allowed by their car seat’s manufacturer."  

Lily is still rear facing in both of our cars in her Britax Boulevard 70 seats.   This seat is designed with a 40 pound rear facing limit (70 pounds forward facing) although realistically most children will outgrow it by height well before reaching either of the weight limits.   That's the case for most convertible seats on the market today.   She has at least 2" of hard shell over her head, and the limit for this seat is 1" of hard shell.  After the age of 2, children will gain around 1" of torso height per year so we should be able to keep her rear facing until around 3 years old in this seat.    Developmentally, her musculoskeletal system will be more mature and able to better withstand crash forces at 3 than it is at 2, and we'll be OK with turning her when the time comes.  

She's not at all uncomfortable - she either props her legs up on the seat back or sits cross-legged in her seat.   I'll give her a book or small toy if she wants one (we don't snack in our cars).   Rear facing is all she's ever known and she doesn't think it's weird.   It's not terribly difficult to get her in and out of the seat (I don't have her climb in because she uses the headwings for leverage, and I don't want to break them).   We have a mirror so that I can see her and she can see me, but Mark doesn't have a mirror in his car and she's just fine without it.  In the winter when we're driving home from daycare in the dark, I may pick up one of those DVD players that has the screen that attaches to a head rest.   Really, does this look like a toddler who just hates to be rear facing?

(Yes, she removed her shoe and was chewing on it.  Mother of the Year, right here!)

When we took Lily in for her 2 year well child visit, the doctor asked about car seat use and started off with, "She's probably forward facing now..." and her face lit up when we told her that she was still rear facing and would be for as long as possible.   We hadn't seen this young pediatrician before, but she said that car seat safety was emphasized during her residency and it's something she talks to all families about - she said she's had patients who were in boosters at two years old, so it was wonderful to have a family who follows the recommendation.

This is a great blog post, written in easy-to-understand language, about the AAP recommendations and what a good car seat progression would be.   It doesn't have to be expensive and complicated.   And please, regardless of what car seat or booster your child is in, go to a Safe Kids seat check or contact your local car seat tech.   They are certified to make sure that your seat is installed and is being used correctly!  

A little knitting project for me

This is the project I was wrapping up last time I posted knitting pics.   It's a shawl for me, one meant to keep you warm rather than just looking pretty.   My office can have some weird temperature fluctuations and I usually keep a sweater at work between October and April but I think this shawl will be much better.  I bought the yarn at Stitches East last October on a WEBS closeout and cast on immediately, but then we had that freak winter storm and I was busy (OK, overwhelmed) with grad school and work and home and I set it aside until a few weeks ago.

It's knit in a baby alpaca/merino wool/cashmere (!) blend and it's about the softest thing I've ever felt.  Handwash only, but insanely warm.

Lily saw my shawl and begged me for one.  I have three balls of yarn left, which would be enough to knit a matching shawlette. but I just can't bring myself to use a handwash yarn for a 2 year old.   With the way we do laundry it'd get chucked in her hamper and accidentally felted.   I'm actually knitting a pretty shawlette/wrap out of sock yarn right now and I'll probably let her use it because it'll be the right size and I can wash the heck out of it if necessary.

I'm on a shawl kick at the moment - all lacy pretty things.  Totally counter-intuitive when heading into the cold part of the year, I know.

Does she really need a pink and purple toy doctor kit?

Or: Why we don't buy girly versions of non-gendered toys for our kid.

Lily has been reallyinto those toy medical kits since they had health & safety week at daycare a few weeks ago and they got to play with them.  She has a doctor dress-up outfit with a toy stethoscope that she uses to “check” Mommy and Daddy and Bella the dog, but it only has the stethoscope so we decided we should get the full-on toy medical kit.   You know - the one that Fisher Price had when we were little; with a stethoscope, a blood pressure cuff, an otoscope, a reflex hammer, a bracelet that looks like a bandage, a fake syringe, and a little bag.  

Since I had to go to Trader Joe’s for bananas during my lunch break today, I stopped in at ToysRUs to see what they had to offer.   A surprisingly-helpful employee asked if he could help me find something and when I told him, he led me over to the preschool section and asked, “Do you want the boy version or the girl version?”   I said, “I want the gender neutral one.”  He chuckled and said that meant the so-called boy version.   He handed me the toy medical kit and said that they haveto ask almost all the time because now virtually all toys come in a standard/boy version and a girly version.     

This was what was on the shelf as the supposed "boy" version:

I don't find anything particularly boyish about this kit - it's just like the one I had 30 years ago when I was a kid.   Here's what the "girl" version looks like:

The parts are all the same, except the pink kit comes with a hard case (which according to online reviews doesn't hold all of the parts of the doctor kit anyways!).   And then there's the freaking pink everywhere for no good reason.  

If you doubt the pinkification of even simple and non-gendered toys, step into the toy and children’s products aisles at Target or BabiesRUs or ToysRUs.  Look at a bubble mower or a toy medical kit or even Duplo sets, and you’ll see that virtually every toy for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers comes in both the primary-colored version (apparently that’s the boy version) and a version in pink and/or purple hues (for the girls).   Leapfrog has all of their baby and toddler toys in a Scout version (green) and a Violet version (purple).  You’ll see a car seat or stroller which comes in a gender-neutral style and then a pink or purple style, often with flowers.  

Our infant car seat has a green cover because we didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl, and like everything we got before Lily’s birth it’s gender neutral.  Our swing, bouncer, and most of our newborn layette is gender neutral with lots of lambs, ducks, and froggies.   We got her Boulevards (convertible car seats) in neutral prints/patterns because our plan is to pass the seats down to our next child when the time comes and to buy high weight combination seats for Lily.   When it’s time for a combo seat, she can help pick the pattern because she’ll be in that seat for several years, but when she was too young to choose we went gender-neutral.  

I see it not infrequently where if a couple finds out they’re having a girl, their BRU registry is full of pink infant car seats and pink Pack & Plays and pink swings and pink clothes and pink EVERYTHING.   I’m not saying to not get a girly bedding set or some pink receiving blankets, because we even went to the extent of ordering a boyish crib bedding set and a girlish one and then returning the unused one to Pottery Barn Kids after Lily was born!   But still, I think it's a little shortsighted to make an entire registry girly. Especially for gear that may be reused for a future child, unless you’re positive that your childbearing plans are “one and done” it makes sense to go with more neutral choices or you’re likely to feel that you have to buy new stuff rather than putting a little boy in a pink princess SwaddleMe (note that said little boy is unlikely to notice or care if you do so).   

As part of my apparently-useless M.S. in management, I took a required marketing course and enjoyed it enough that I took a marketing elective as well.   My husband’s undergrad degree is in marketing.   I don’t fancy myself much of a marketing genius, but I do know this – the current trend in pink-ifying baby gear, toys, and kids’ clothes is pure marketing.  Think about it – if you have a girl first you’re likely to get all of the girly versions of toys, then if you have a boy you’ll be re-buying the normal versions because HEAVEN FORBID a little boy push around a pink bubble mower (note my sarcasm there).   If you have a boy first you’ll have all the normal versions but will be at least tempted to get the girly stuff for your little one.   Since most American families have more than one child and statistically speaking it's most common to have at least one of each gender, it’s not surprising that there are families out there who have a red bubble mower and a pink one, or a green Scout and a purple Violet, purchased for different children.   The supply chain for making injection-molded plastic toys is only marginally more complicated if you’re making a girly version and a standard one.   So there’s minimal added cost to have the second pink line, and the potential for greater sales for the toy manufacturers – a win-win for sure. 

So from the perspective of not getting sucked into the marketing vortex of buying new toys in a few years if we have a son, we buy the standard versions of toys and we chose all gender-neutral baby gear.   What I find fascinating is that a lot of toys and gear aren't necessarily in stereotypical "boy" and "girl" versions - there's a neutral/classic version and a girly version.   It's just that people see the pink one, clearly intended for girls, and it starts to seem like the neutral version must be for boys.  

Little girls and boys don’t know that they’re “supposed” to like pink princesses or blue race cars.  Societal influences and marketing push them towards those things.   Mark and I have consciously tried to raise Lily without media and marketing and us telling her that she has to do or like certain things because she’s a girl.   We don’t restrict her from playing with toys but until she was old enough to start having and expressing her own preferences we stayed strictly gender-neutral on toys, books, etc.  We’ve had some good-natured fun poked at us by relatives and friends because of this, but it’s important to us.   

Needless to say, I bought the standard version of the toy today and Lily is overjoyed with her "doctor kit".