I thought I had this mom-of-two thing in the bag. I'm on maternity leave until September and we've made the financial sacrifice to keep Lily in daycare even during the unpaid portion of my leave, because she LOVES "school" and her friends and we don't want her routine being altered any more than it already is. I had visions of being able to take nice brisk walks with the baby every day (working off that baby weight), really doing some wonderful cooking, and pulling out my knitting and sewing and having a chance to catch up on TV viewing - albeit with a newborn who wants me to stop and nurse every few hours. And I have to admit, I really do have the time for some of that because Hannah is an easygoing baby much of the time and we're having almost none of the breastfeeding difficulties that I had with Lily.
Mark is working a lot of afternoon/evening shifts at his new job. This is good from the standpoint of income and is bad from the standpoint of me having to do the evening parenting solo with a 3 year old and a newborn. As you might recall, Mark worked noon-8:30 PM or 3-11:30 PM basically for the first 2.5 years of Lily's life, so you'd think I'd be all right handling the evening routine again. I was able to manage working full time PLUS 95% of the cooking and 5 nights a week of evening parenting, and that includes when I had severe nausea 24/7 in my first trimester. Unfortunately I neglected to take into account the oft-competing needs of my children.
I'm OK going and picking Lily up. Hannah stays in her infant carseat bucket and Lily is big enough to carry her own lunch box and backpack, and I've drilled her well on keeping a hand on me or the car for safety in a parking lot. The drive home is pleasant, with Lily telling Hannah and me all about her exciting day. Then we get home and all hell breaks loose:
1) Lily wants to watch TV. Fine, we let her watch one TV show per day (either Signing Time on DVD or Sesame Street or Thomas the Tank Engine via streaming Netflix). The problems arise if we reach the end of said program and I don't have dinner on the table yet. And I often don't, because:
2) Hannah starts cluster feeding for the evening at 5:30 or 6 PM. She usually doesn't want to stop until around 8:30 or 9 PM. Awesome. I can set her down for maybe a few minutes at a time which is not at all conducive to food preparation and cooking.
So Lily wants to watch another show, but because we limit TV I tell her no. Weeping and whining ensue (the Threes have started slightly early with this one). Then I manage to get dinner on the table for Lily if not both of us, we eat, and it's time for the tub. Lily needs a bath every evening because she gets sweaty and dirty on the playground at daycare. It means she's having fun and getting exercise, but at the same time it means we can't really skip a bath if we're running late.
If Hannah will let me, I swaddle her in a muslin blanket and pop her into the bouncer so that I can give Lily her tub. Lily is used to being able to spend 15-20 minutes playing with toys before I wash her, and now much to her dismay she's getting hosed down in record time like the prison inmates at the start of The Shawshank Redemption. Then once my older child is reasonably clean all three of us head upstairs. On a good night I can tuck Hannah into her bassinet in our room while I race through getting Lily in pajamas, teeth brushed, books read, and tucked in. On a bad night I get to do all of that one-handed while holding Hannah as she nurses. I'll let Hannah make a little bit of noise but if she loses it, I can't leave her alone to scream.
Some nights, all of this goes smoothly - others, all three of us end up in tears. I can hear the voices now: "Just wear the baby!", you say. Of course I've tried that, but when Hannah wants to nurse, screaming ensues if she's essentially on my chest but not latched on - I'm basically taunting her with the proximity of the fount of all that is good in her life. It's so close, but yet so far. She is not yet big enough or strong enough to get latched or stay latched herself if I try to nurse her in the sling or carrier. Added degree of difficulty: she won't take a pacifier consistently!
I've decided I need a few extra sets of hands and arms or a private chef and a nanny between the hours of 5 and 8 PM every night. Barring either of those outcomes, I'm going to have to find a way to get the baby to nurse properly while being worn.
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