Guilt (again)

I feel guilty that I can't take Lily to storytime at the library, to a toddler gymnastics class, or do a weekday play date because I work.

I feel guilty that some nights lately (like tonight) I've been so tired that rather than a healthy, freshly-cooked meal we end up sharing a box of Annie's mac and cheese and some applesauce from a jar.

I feel guilty that most nights while I cook dinner I let Lily watch an episode of Sesame Street or a Signing Time DVD.  

I feel guilty for working and being away from my kid for 9-10 hours every weekday.

I feel guilty that I'm not creative enough to plan real art projects, do sensory play, take her on nature walks, or do any of the other stuff that apparently we're supposed to be doing to stimulate her brain.

I feel guilty for cutting her off after 3 books at bed time because I have stuff that I need to do after she goes to sleep.

I feel guilty that my 26 month old is nowhere near potty trained and is still using a pacifier because I've apparently been too lazy to remedy either situation.

I feel guilty that some nights after she's gone to bed, I'd rather knit or get on the elliptical for 20 minutes than clean or do laundry.

I feel guilty for getting pissed at my husband when he slacks on his share of the housework, even though his work schedule forces me to solo parent four weeknights and the entire day on Saturday.

For some reason today I was feeling singularly guilty for not spending enough quality time with my kid.  Since my cooking left a lot to be desired, I thought that I'd bust out the smock and the finger paint after dinner...we had so much fun with the different colors of paint!   I'm going to try to do this kind of spontaneous activity more often - maybe we'll take a walk or play in the leaves or color in a coloring book or put on Gangnam Style and dance like fools.   I'm pretty sure that Lily loves me in spite of my flaws as a parent, so I need to not be hung up on those flaws and instead find ways to have more quality time.